We’ve all got that one person in our lives who doesn’t like anything. They’re hard to please, see life in 50 shades of grey, and couldn’t care less if the glass is half full or half empty – why does that metaphor even exist anyway?
For the more unfortunate of us, that person in our lives is someone we feel obligated to buy a gift for; maybe because they’re a grouchy uncle, an ungrateful millennial sibling who you’d rather donate to charity, or the Mum who never hugged you.
Or, maybe they’re not someone you feel obligated to buy for; you just want to send this person a weird gift that tells them exactly what you think of them!
If this sounds like you, then you’ve come to the right place. Read on to discover our top 14 unique gift ideas for someone who doesn’t like anything!
Gifts for the person who has everything
They’ve got everything, haven’t they? You’ve done a full recon of their house and realised they own everything you could possibly imagine buying them.
Why are these people like this? Are they cynical? Are they too rich for their own good? Do they reject present lists like they’re sacrilegious?
Whatever their dark little secret, you’ll never be able to buy them anything they’ll appreciate. Your mind keeps turning, but there’s nothing left, nothing to land on – a loading screen of endless torment…
Which is why you should give them something that represents exactly how it feels trying to buy them a gift!
With its artful, clean and minimalist design, we give you our masterpiece: ‘Le Loading Bar.’
We think you’ll agree it’s the perfect wall hanging for those fellows who have everything.
When there’s nothing left to buy and all your ideas have dried up, this piece of art represents the frustration of failed inspiration, of waiting for it to strike, and the inevitable descent into madness when you realise you’re stuck in gift limbo forever.
Much like Le Loading Bar, the artful, clean and minimalist design also comes on a mug! So, whenever that smug present dodger takes a sip of each kind of tea one can possess, he’ll be faced with the endless question of: What happens when the loading bar loads?
It’s an act of perfect revenge.
Unique gifts for wannabe unicorns
Unicorn fever has well and truly hit the mainstream, hasn’t it? It’s ironic that a creature representing originality is now more common than the common cold.
So, when are these horn loving, rainbow gushing, magic touting beings ever going to realise they’re merely one in a long line of people who think they’re special in some way?
Probably never, which is why you should send them something that topples them from the majestic horned-horse they rode in on. You’re doing them a favour, really.
The beautiful thing about this poster is the hidden messages. Whether it’s the subtle colours of the majestic unicorn blurred within the text, the word RAGE on its own line symbolising how their glitter makes you feel, or the hidden call to action of AVE, which means ‘all bow to’ in Latin followed by RAGE, there are so many ways you can get your message across.
Your message and your revenge.
Okay, so we admit that anyone who genuinely believes they’re a unique unicorn might refuse to wear this t-shirt, but it’s a cheap gift for getting your message across. And you never know, they might wear it ‘ironically’ to further their sparkly horned agenda.
Cool gifts for the sexy nihilist you love to hate
The world is ending so there’s no point in caring about it. Do we even exist? Is reality a fallacy? What’s the point of trying when life is meaningless?
*Le sigh – our favourite nihilist is back. They’re questioning the reality of existence at a funeral, rolling their eyes at wannabe unicorns, plugging The Matrix as ‘an actual possibility,’ and generally bumming everyone out.
But you secretly love all their ‘meh’ ways. You wish you were that cool and apathetic. You want to get them something to show how much you ‘feel’ them, yet you have no idea what to get someone who doesn’t want anything.
Well, we happen to have a few ideas!
The ultimate nihilist isn’t going to pass up an opportunity to remind the world to stop being happy, and what better way to do that than by wearing an uninspiring message?
The price isn’t bad either. These lightweight t-shirts made from quality materials come in various shades of grey – the perfect poison for that negative nihilist.
When you awake from the depths of an apocalyptic dream and wish it was real, what do we say to the day?
When the real world calls and you have to spend another day on the dull treadmill of life, what do we say?
When you have no idea what to buy that apathetic friend with zero ambition, what do we say?
‘Here’s a Nope poster, friend. May it serve you well.’
Live, Laugh, Love? Eurgh, please…
Antitheses are the ultimate two fingers to the mediocrity of inspirational quotes. Here’s our beautiful example, full of the rage and despair that fuels every accomplished nihilist. It’s matte, museum-quality and cheap, and unlike the cold, soulless body of your worst friend, acid-free.
We’re sick of the twee mugs full of caffeinated hope in the morning. The ultimate goal in life is to do less for more.
Why work twice as hard to be paid the same? That attitude is for losers. Let’s get real and sip from another antithesis that better represents our grim reality.
Weird gifts for that freaky frenemy
We don’t get why we’re friends with this person. They constantly put us down ‘for bants,’ they belittle our achievements, their favourite game is one-upmanship, and when they do compliment us, it’s usually self-serving and in front of other people.
Not only that, but you’re pretty sure they’ve stolen something from you – your dignity, your favourite t-shirt, that pair of socks your grandma knitted…
However, for reasons you’re working through with your therapist, this person is still in your life. Maybe it’s because you have low self-esteem and an insatiable need to please, or perhaps there’s a masochistic element to having a frenemy who keeps you on your toes.
We’re not here to judge, we’re just here to help you pick a not-so-passive-aggressive gift that tells them once and for all what you really think of them.
We’re not here to cast aspersions either, but for people supposed to be friends, they did some pretty shady stuff.
Like, Ross made a pro and con list about Rachel, lied to her about getting an annulment, slept with a co-worker while ‘on a break’ and kissed Chandler’s Mum.
But it’s okay, Phoebe MUGGED him when she was street homeless and evened the playing field.
Then there were best buds Chandler and Joey who were AWFUL to each other. Between kissing and dating current and previous girlfriends – AND sisters – there was also that time Chandler kissed Ross’s MUM.
Oh, and remember when Rachel convinced Bonnie to shave her head so Ross wouldn’t fancy her, and it WORKED?!
Then there was Monica, who, despite being depicted as a control freak, was the only one who WASN’T downright awful to any of her friends.
So, if you have a ‘friend’ in your life who isn’t really a friend, this t-shirt is the perfect gift.
This mug is pretty versatile. You can buy it for your siblings, your parents, your partner, your frenemy after another fight, your child… Whoever you need to blame for the reasons you are like you are and your life ended up the way it did, this mug takes the onus off you and places it straight into their guilty grubby hands.
Do you want a fun and cheap gift that tells someone you think they’re stupid? Your wish is our command.
Depending on how stupid they really are, they’ll either see the spelling mistake and laugh, think you’re actually calling them an idiot and get offended, or see the spelling mistake, understand the joke, but still get offended because you’ve just bought them a t-shirt declaring what you think about their ability to learn.
Unusual gifts for the unordinary
Let’s face it, life can be boring – a long dull train journey towards the light at the end of the tunnel.
We might meet a few interesting people along the way, but ultimately, we’ve just hopped on for the ride. It’s kind of sad, right? Like that person in your life who stares out of rain-soaked windows and cries at cat food adverts. Hey, maybe they even have a cat, or five?
Then there are those who snub social media because they’re above it; or those who go through the motions of reality with a general air of someone ticking off life’s ‘to-do’s.’ They’re the people who show up to a party and spend the evening quietly judging everyone; and if anyone manages to engage them in conversation, they end up debating the futility of existence until they pass out.
What do you get these people? What gifts convey the rawness of their hollow judgement? What can you buy someone that won’t elicit the hug they sorely crave?
Who doesn’t like to Netflix and chill? It’s a universal colloquialism that means fun and good times.
But what if you’re a lone wolf? What if you like nothing more than consuming a single-serve wine, a microwave meal for one, and an entire packet of Oreos in the comfort of your own home, alone? Not necessarily out of choice, but because your personality and character have alienated everyone in your life and no one wants to hang out with you anymore.
Everyone knows a good education is important.
Everyone also knows that University is the most expensive party you’ll ever attend – one you’ll be paying for the rest of your life. But hey, it’s worth it, right?
Is there anyone in your life gladly burning £50 notes to fuel that symbolic bonfire on freshers’ week? Maybe you’ve got a friend who doesn’t know what month it is, but still manages to pass all their exams so their parents don’t send them hate mail?
Well, these hoodies are the best gifts for those utterly ungrateful students.
One for the denouncers of social media – those who think they’re so cool a ‘like’ means they’re doing something wrong – this t-shirt will either thrill or chill them.
Or, if you want to remind your most unusual and unpopular friend that nothing they say or do will ever be good enough, that they’ll fade into obscurity and only be remembered ‘as that weird guy who came to my party and cried on my cat,’ then this is the perfect t-shirt to say that with – you beautiful, heartless consumer.
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