What on Earth can be more natural than having a whole bunch of burning assignments, in conjunction with zero motivation to get them done (or simply roll out of bed)? If someone says they have never procrastinated in their life, here are some precautions that offer the best chance to survive such a beast attack.
First of all, do not run. You cannot outrun the creature that was born to overachieve and engineered to outperform. Just avoid direct eye contact and walk away towards your bed slowly. Don’t scream, try to keep your voice soft and miserable to let the monster know you are anything but a puny human.
If it makes contact, curl up into a ball on your side, or lie flat on your lockdown belly. Play dead until the attack ends. Be sure the beast has left the area before getting up to fix yourself some fully loaded nachos to recover.
9 Things All Real Indoor Enthusiasts Can Relate To
Let's see how many boxes you will tick before getting bored, distracted, or asleep.
1. Binge-watching an entire series on Netflix
Let’s be fair, the feature that starts the next episode without even having to push a button is the greatest invention of all times.
2. Creeping on folks you went to high school with via their social media profiles
Trigger warning: sometimes it leads to finding out that those people are way more successful in their lives than you could ever possibly become. For instructions on how to proceed in such cases, please refer to the beginning of this post.
3. Cleaning your room. For real
Nothing motivates indoor enthusiasts more to get their living space cleaned and their wardrobe reorganised than having all of the deadlines and errands that await them alternatively. Especially if going outside is involved.
4. Coming up with incredibly convincing reasons to stay home
We all know that your mountain can wait for as long as it takes, right?
5. Looking up strategies on how to be more productive
It's scientifically proven that procrastinating by watching a TED Talk on how to beat procrastination makes you feel productive while procrastinating. Looks like a win-win for losers, doesn't it?
6. Finding time to reply to all of the spam emails and messages you've got in the last two months
Honestly, the pandemic gave people a once in a lifetime opportunity to save the world by sitting on a sofa and wasting their time on TV watching, trolling online scummers or whatever else they want to do. Yet humankind's screwing it up.
7. Exploring how many slices of pizza you can eat before you pass out from food coma
No, it is not called a shame eating. It's proud eating if anything.
P.S. A triumph eating will do as well.
8. Online shopping for utterly useless items
A long time ago, things were made to serve a purpose. Luckily, we are not living in such a boring world anymore, and you can get a furry toilet seat, a mechanised egg cracker, a bathrobe for your dog, or this ever-loading coffee mug delivered to your door anytime.
9. Getting overwhelmed by analysing your life and taking a nap
Come to think of it, people who take naps are the real superheroes. As it takes unlimited courage to wake up twice in one day.
If you’re a top-level indoor enthusiast, you may have done all of these things. In such a case, you may need to keep overthinking your life while staring at the wall and then crying yourself to sleep. The deadline for that task is forever, and the world is your oyster.